An Ode to the Neighbor

Upon my parents' relocation to their current residence two decades ago, they were warmly greeted by the neighbor. Tragically, his wife fell ill within a few months and eventually passed away. Following his wife's demise, he, a widower, distanced himself from our entire community. For the past 21 years, he lived alone, typically maintaining solitude. His interactions were primarily limited to the essential vendors—those providing milk, newspapers, and food supplies.

He had a routine of rising at 4 am, taking a morning stroll, consciously avoiding encounters with fellow residents in the colony. To ensure minimal social interactions, he preferred going shopping around noon. By 8 pm, he would retire for the night, dozing off into a peaceful slumber. While his wife was alive both of them used to interact with my parents. However, following her passing, he started avoiding any interaction with them.

Whenever his son had the opportunity, he would visit him. According to what we learned from the son, his father chose not to move in with him. Additionally, he had completely severed ties with his wife's relatives as well. On two occasions, his son reached out to us on our landline when his father didn't respond to his calls. When my parents checked on him, he barely expressed gratitude and instead ended the conversation with a brief "hmm." However, I was truly impressed by him as he lived his life adhering to a routine, in his own unique way, and must have found happiness in his own world.

Recently, as I accompanied my dad to the hospital, I observed him sitting on his balcony, providing instructions to the painter working on the gate. The following day, I hurried back with my mother to gather more belongings for the hospital since my dad had been admitted. Once again, he was on the balcony, giving instructions to the painter. That was the last time I saw him.

Upon our return, we noticed his gate was locked, assuming that the son had possibly taken his dad, as it happened occasionally. However, today, a neighbor hurried to our home after reading about his death in the newspaper, seeking additional information. As anticipated, none of us had his contact details, but after a few inquiries, we managed to reach the son. According to the son, his dad had passed away two days ago. Feeling unwell, the son had requested his cousin to take him to Kochi, where the son lived. Unfortunately, his dad passed away on the way.It dawned on us that it was the very same day when my dad was discharged, and we had returned from the hospital.

It must be acknowledged that he opted for a solitary life and passed away in solitude, without causing any trouble for anyone, including his son. He serves as an illustration of the idea that we enter and leave this world in solitude, with others merely acting as spectators, adding drama to our lives.  confess a sense of sorrow, knowing the 4 am glow of his bedroom lights and the sight of him reading the newspaper until the milk vendor arrived will be missed forever.

Even in silence, he made his presence felt.

What's in a name?

What's in a name? Many of us must have come across this question in our lives. Last few months, most of us would have discovered that everything is in our name. If the names on our Aadhar and PAN do not match, they cannot be linked. Going back to the scenario, I discovered the pain when I was trying to open an account at SBI. Thanks to the lady at the counter, my PAN and Aadhar have the same name, and so does my passport. There are other IDs where I need to get my name rectified. Yet another battle I need to fight.

Last year, I visited a bank to move my investments from another bank as it was closing its operation in India. The branch head was a soft-spoken guy who understood my concerns and was ready to help me. He got all the papers signed and asked me to relax. "It's all taken care of," he said with a smile. As it was the last month of the financial year, he expected me to do some investments to meet his target. I had to politely decline his "investment" proposals as I was taken for a ride by the other bank. Within a week, I saw opt-out happening from the previous bank and the investments appearing under my new bank. I was elated. Little did I know that the bank mandate was still linked to the old bank, which is no longer operational in India.

As I am sitting trying to figure out how to sort out this current mess, I wonder why we have this issue in the first place. If an educated person is struggling, what about the uneducated ones? The answer is straightforward, someone somewhere is not doing his job honestly. If a person at work cannot copy the name from the proof submitted for ID generation properly, is he fit for the job? Why does a person selling insurance, mutual funds etc never insist on providing a nominee? In an era where we talk about climate change and planting more trees, why do some institutions still insist on paperwork?

That day is not far away when one cannot withdraw one's money from the bank as the name does not match the ID. As someone told me recently
"If you really think, it is a matter of just changing an entry in a simple database table." But for bureaucracy, "it's my way or the highway."

Does Goodness Deserve Loyalty?

 

This question has been lingering in my mind for a long time. If I pose this question to anyone, the answer would be an obvious No. But, if I change the question and ask this if nicety is taken for granted or considered as someone's right, how do you respond?

Now, why am I asking this question? Well, I have a maid who has been working for nearly a decade. Unlike everyone else, she comes to my house only when I call her which is maybe once or twice a week. Understanding her situation back home, I ensured she gets paid the same amount as her other employers in whose house she goes every day without a break.

Even when I had moved abroad, I continued to pay her. Even during the lockdown, she lost her job almost everywhere but I continued. My whole thought process was that instead of helping any unknown person, I should help a person whom I know personally.

But here comes the problem, whenever she needs money and she asks me as if it is her right. I did help her financially on a couple of occasions without expecting her to pay back and at the end of the month, she still expected to be paid her full salary.  

What saddened me was that even if I had called her for work, she wouldn't turn up and I see her working for my neighbor where she doesn't have any such expectations.

This month I had similar incidents. One day she came home and asked me to reach out to my friends in the US and start a donation drive for her ailing mother. I just ignored her statement and she did her work and left.

A few days later, I called her for work, but she didn't turn up. Today, I saw her at my neighbor's house and asked her to come to work. She came and did a very half-hearted job.

The question popped up in my mind, I have been helping her but why is she taking me for granted? She is loyal to people who don't even exchange pleasantries with her.

 I am not a perfect human being, I have my shortcomings too. What do you think I need to do now?

Guns 'n' Roses

 

Thor, Love and Thunder soundtrack made me listen to Guns'n'Roses's Sweet child o' mine after a long time. It's one of my Liked songs on my Spotify list. More than the song it's the memory associated with
the song that made me look back to my younger days.

Immediately after my graduation, I got a job where I met an incredible bunch of people. It was my first time away from home but these people never let me miss home. Though we didn't speak the same language, there was lots of warmth and affection among us.

In this group, we had this insanely talented guy who had learned the strings all by himself. He was the musician in the group, playing and singing Western and Bollywood songs with ease. It was during those
times, the early 2000's we had the email boom, and this guy had his email ID as axlrose***@xyz.com. Any gettogether, he was ready with his guitar, singing songs so effortlessly. It was due to him, that I
explored Guns'n'Roses, Queen, etc to name a few

We were in touch till we worked for the same organization, then he left for higher education in the US. When I heard the soundtrack of Thor, I remembered him, his ever-smiling face, and all those good

Universe Conspiring Mane Story

This may sound absurd but it is a true story. I never had a fascination with long hair since childhood. The shorter, the better was always my myntra. My parents took it in their stride or they accepted me as a tomboy. All through my growing years, I had maintained my short hair look.

It was during my pre-university time, my grandmom visited us and decided to stay back for a few months. During that period, we found a long lost connection and all she requested was to see me in long hair. I budged. As she was around, it was not difficult to maintain my mane.

During my graduation and the first few years of my employment, I had hair till my shoulder. There were few relatives who thought I looked good with that look. Opinions matters during that stage. One fine day, I went ahead and shortened my mane. What triggered that action, I still have no explanation. That look stayed for a few years.

I succumbed to the pressure of elders as they thought no suitors will agree to my hairstyle.  Around the late 20s and early 30s, I got inspired by the straight hair look and went ahead and got my hair chemically treated.  That was the worst decision I had taken, not only it was a costly affair but also it damaged my hair.

My rebel soul woke up again and I went ahead to shorten my straightened locks. There was no looking back again. Many did tell me to be more feminine and to grow my hair but this time I was very determined.

I had shifted to the US and that stint really was a revelation. The female who is supposed to be the "man" in the lesbian community adorns such a hairstyle. I was approached by many females in clubs and pubs as they misread my hairstyle.

When I returned back to India, I had this deep desire to be this typical Indian girl in kurta pyjamas, bindi on her forehead, and neatly partitioned hair.  But I had become so used to my short hair and its hassle-free maintenance.

With the corona scare and the nation under complete lockdown, and no parlors opened, my hair has started growing. I feel that this is the way, the universe has conspired to get me what I wanted.

A Note

Same day, another year! This year I wasn’t beside her to wish her in person and time zones didn’t help either. Every year, I make it a point to wish her at sharp 12pm on her big day. I was thinking for a while what I need to gift her. She has it all, materialistic gifts doesn’t really matter to her. What matters to  her is giving her some attention, some care. I kept thinking, but nothing really crossed my mind.  This chapter is completely dedicated to her.  

She is my friend, philosopher and guide. I know I can call her anytime and talk my heart out. She wouldn’t judge me, she is always on my side, and she supports me unconditionally. She has been at the receiving end of my wraths and my mood swings, yet she never showed her despite or desperation. Sometimes, I wonder how she is able to play the role so beautifully. I have never seen her complain about anything. She is quite happy in whatever state she is in. I questioned her umpteen times whether her satisfaction is façade to her laziness, but each time her arguments left me stumped.

Our relationship wasn’t great in the beginning, we fought for silliest of reasons, but as they say, it’s the distance that makes the heart grow fonder.  I realized her worth when she left for another place to pursue her higher education. I missed her like hell, I cried my heart out.  We stayed together during the early phase of my career till she decided to take the next plunge in her life, the holy bliss of matrimony. I knew I will have another competition, vying for her attention. I outgrew that fear because she remained the same, her motherly instincts protecting me and guiding me in the right direction.

We don’t have anything is common, we share a different outlook towards life and we always wonder how we are still together. May be it’s the genes. As the saying goes “Blood is always thicker than water”.  No matter how many friends I had, have and will have, it’s always she, whom I will go back to when I  am troubled or need a shoulder to cry on. In fact, I am quite thankful to God for the very fact that I have two mothers in my life, one from the older generation, my real mother and the other from my generation, my sister.  

D, I always look up to you. You are my guiding force.  Now that an extra candle is on the cake, I wish you happiness and good health.                

 

Take A Walk Down Memory Lane

Some people wait for things to happen, some others make it happen!

Yesterday’s incident highlighted the latter statement. My college mate N had come down from US and she sent out emails to most of us settled in Bangalore. After a series of email exchanges, five of us decided to meet on Wednesday i.e yesterday.  N’s perseverance to find out about her batch mates in Bangalore, getting their email IDs and successfully accomplishing the get together is truly admirable. It is so ironic that she had to be the trigger to wake her batch mates up from hibernation and make them meet up, though they stayed within 1 km radius from one another.

Some of us were meeting after a decade, so catching was enamoring and enchanting. The photos taken were soon shared in the social networking group which received immense likes from other batch mates. Soon, N started a Whatsapp group and within half a day today, twenty of us across of the world were connected. Everyone was equally thrilled, nostalgic and soon many discussions followed.

Thanks to N, she took me back to good old days. She reminded me of a dialogue from an old Malayalam movie whose translation is “Why didn’t we think about it before!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l5-L42mBmw

We are lucky to be in a generation which saw the transition from letters to phones to emails to mobiles to smart phones. We had innocence, we had values, we knew the limitations, we respected elders, and we valued time and money.  We enjoyed the rain, we enjoyed the scorching heat, and we enjoyed everything that was thrown at us. Years passed by, we saw immense changes in and around us but we haven’t lost ourselves, our core values which make us what we are today!

My View of an Interview

I have been interviewing for almost 10 yrs now. I have seen the candidates in various forms – the nervous ones, the confident ones, the showy ones, the earthy ones, I have seen them all. More than the candidates, what has attracted me is the mindset of the person taking the interview.

The interviewer needn’t be the person who knows it all, but he/she needs to know the answers to the questions he/she is asking. Having been a candidate myself and in many occasions, when I didn’t know the answer, I had in turn asked the interviewer for the answers.  It helped me a lot to understand where I need to improve and improvise.

Off late, I had a chance to take interviews with others and what baffled me was the kind of questions the candidates had to answer. Most of the topics that were asked weren’t even used during the day to day official work. Then why are the questions being asked? Is it because the interviewer wanted to show his/her skill set? Is it to enhance his/her ego?

Recently I was discussing about interviews with a friend of mine. He was telling me about the interviews he had attended lately wherein he was asked about skills which were not even mentioned in his resume. He had a valid argument which I found quite amusing. His argument -  “If I don’t  have a skill, say A, over a period of time, in the new job, I can acquire it. There are other skills which I am good at”.

Coming back to being an interviewer, I remember the day I was asked to take an interview. My manager had called my friend and me to his cabin. He asked us to prepare few questions which we will ask during the interview. My friend and I, being the first time interviewers, did an extensive googling and found the toughest questions. We went back to our manager and proudly presented our questions. Our manager made us realize that it was not the complicated or complex ones that make an interview tough, it is basically, the true basics of the subjects that the candidates claim to be the experts.  That realization continues to play a pivotal role when I don the interviewing hat.

Firstly, explain to the candidate about the job profile. In case, it doesn’t match with his long term career goals, you needn’t take an interview at all. So, SEEK OUT for the right candidate.

So, a good interviewer should skim through the candidates profile and ask the basic questions. In this era, where in we can solve complex problems but find it difficult to handle simple ones, one suggestion is to make the interview SIMPLE.  

Thirdly, check the profile for which the candidate is attending the interview for. Ask questions related to job profile as I have seen many candidates being disappointed once they take up the offer. They have claimed that “I was asked about X, Y and Z and nowhere it is being used!”  So, test the right SKILLS.

Fourthly, don’t make the interview quite long and elaborate. In the first few minutes, you get an idea about the candidate and most of the times, your initial judgment is right. So, make the interview SHORT.

Last but not the least, interviewer shouldn’t conduct an interview for boosting his/her morale. He/she is doing it to pick the right candidate so that his/her burden can be reduced as well. So, keep aside your SUPERIORITY complex. 

With right sets of “S” in place, make the interview easy and effective. Remember, you too were a candidate before and can be in the future too!

Wake Up Call

My day usually starts with Dad waking me up. He always have two questions to ask -  Did you have tea? What is there for breakfast? As of matter of fact, it is quite clear to him that I will definitely have something, but that doesn’t deter him from asking the same questions every other day. I can’t imagine a day when he stops asking me these questions. It has become a habit.

So today, like any other day, Dad woke me up. He starts with the usual questions and then tells me that he has some good news to share.  Early morning and good news,  I wondered. He told me that our driver’s daughter, who is currently pursuing her MBA, got a job. She has a good offer which includes a competent salary and a free accommodation.  It was indeed good news. I felt genuinely happy.

I always appreciated the driver for believing in his daughter and giving her right kind of education and support. He never differentiated between his daughter and son, normal behavioral pattern see in lower income group. Long back, I had met his daughter and had a healthy conversation with her.  What I really appreciate about her, is her will power and her clarity of thoughts.  I am pretty sure with that kind of attitude she is going to go places.

Speaking about habit, have you ever experienced relationship becoming a habit? And what happens when it go awry? Should it be rectified or left unattended? I know not! Everyone around me says time is the healer. But what time frames are being discussed here? In this era of multiple ways of communication, people are hesitant to pick up a damn phone and talk. Sometimes a call is all that is needed to heal the growing tensions. It gives you a perspective of others’ thoughts.  As a matter of fact, everyone is right in their own way.

Talking about perspective, the greatest asset of human being is their mind. In a fraction of second, lots of thoughts are getting processed. Mind leaves you in a dilemma about how to react, how to act etc. If you can control your mind, you have indeed attained Nirvana. It’s all about how good you can control the mind and reacts to situations in a favorable manner, I would rather say a win-win situation.

The new day has begun. I plan to doze off now, anticipating the wake up call…